Speed Bump

Posted on September 6, 2010 by Ammo

I’ve implemented a new policy at work. It’s called the Dachshund Speed Bump. Anyone traveling through the shop must slow down to pet me. This has been initiated because far too many people are entering and leaving the shop without saying hello to me. These people do not know what they are missing!

In order to get the ball rolling on this new store policy, I have strategically placed myself on the shop floor, camouflaged as a speed bump. Anyone who tries to cross without petting me will have their ankles bitten. (ok I’m lying….I don’t bite, but I WILL be thinking about it)!

That is all.

#1 Store Employee,
Ammo the Dachshund

Giveaway – The Weeeiner!

Posted on September 3, 2010 by Ammo

I know you all are anxiously awaiting to see who will be the weeeiner of my scratch art giveaway. I wish I could give one to each and every one of you……but I think I’d get blisters on my paws!

But don’t worry, for those of you that didn’t win….I have a consolation prize! Between now and October 1, 2010, if you purchase anything from my online shop (including any of the Ponies’ Paintings) you will receive a FREE Trick Pony DVD, which not only features the famous Trick Ponies of Chincoteague, but also me, Ammo the Dachshund – stuntdog extraordinaire. All you have to do is mention the code AMMORULES at checkout.

And now for your Weeeiner! Congratulations to Christine! Who’s favorite piece of artwork her 12 year old twins bought for her of her Doxie Roxy wearing a Santa hat. The winner was chosen randomly using random.org

Look for an e-mail from me in your inbox to claim your prize!

Blog header image from The Gifted Blog

Helmet Upgrade

Posted on September 3, 2010 by Ammo

I wish this post was about me getting a stormtrooper helmet. I mean come on, how cool would that be!

No, instead – It’s embarrassing to admit – I have a flat head. Maybe not as bad as Frankenstein – but needless to say I could probably balance a few books on it. And just to clarify, having a flat head does not mean I have any less brains in there!

But since my head kinda falls short in the dome department, I’ve had a bit of trouble keeping my super awesome stunt helmet on my noggin. My mom had originally made a few adjustments on it for me – which worked just as well – but I thought it needed an upgrade. Lets just say my mom (in her haste to help keep my hat afloat) sewed the fabric upside down. And as much as I love my mom (love you mom), it just looked sloppy.

So after a few days of brainstorming with my mom, I give you the finished product! Thanks mom! You know I’d sew it myself if I had fingers.

BEFORE upgrades

DURING upgrades

WAITING for upgrades

AFTER upgrades

Checking out my new gear in the daylight

blog header credit: Photo showing 26 helmets and armor outside Shepperton Design Studios in 1976, credit StarWarsHelmets.com

Silly Buddy

Posted on September 2, 2010 by Ammo

I’m a pretty trendy guy. I wear a fashionable raincoat when it rains. I have a classy harness that I wear to work. I sleep on a dog bed* adorned with funky robots. I even have a super awesome stunt helmet and cape.
*affiliate link

So when my mom said I could pick out a new collar, it came to no surprise that it had to be pretty awesome. I mean, I have a reputation to uphold. I’m not just going to wear any old thing around my neck.

Then I found it! The perfect collar! From a small online shop called Silly Buddy I chose the Maroon Sprout Collar. As much as I love my new little sprout collar, I can’t help but wish I had one of each of the designs from Silly Buddy. Maybe mom will let me get one for all 365 days of the year! I know, keep dreaming. At least I’ll be dreaming in my awesome new collar.

Ammo the Dachshund was not paid or compensated to write this post. He just thinks their collars are totally awesome!

advertise with us!

A Safe Place for Bones

Posted on September 1, 2010 by Ammo

A trip to the bank might seem like a common nuisance of a chore to you, but to a little doxie like me, it’s a big adventure. I mean it’s hard enough for me to write out my deposit slip with these cumbersome paws!

So imagine my surprise when my local bank in town invited me inside! See I’m practically a celebrity over there. They have my newspaper article hanging in the lobby, and every time I come in the ladies & gents swoon over me. I have to admit, I am pretty dashing.

The peeps in the bank even offered up a safety deposit box for me, shall I ever need a more secure place to keep my bones. A pretty tempting offer, should my ‘rents ever find my secret stash. Shhh! Don’t tell.

Waiting at the crosswalk

Always look both ways before crossing the street

safely made it across the street to the bank

Where did you say that safety deposit box was?

..and back across the street again

home sweet home. back to the shop.

Boxes for Doxies

Posted on August 31, 2010 by Ammo

I know what boxes are for. Boxes contain gifts. Gifts that may or may not be for little doxies like me. The only way to find out what’s inside boxes is to open them!

So behold, the largest box I’ve ever seen.

You can bet I wanted to rip that sucker open to see if there might be millions billions of bones for me.

Imagine my surprise when all that came out of that danged box was a coffee table. I was sooo excited. Not! At least the cleanup proved to be fun.

Apparently the item in the box is a "look but don't touch" piece. No fun for little doxies like me!

banner photo credit: Claude Closky

Giveaway: Dachshund Art

Posted on August 30, 2010 by Ammo

THIS CONTEST IS NO LONGER ACCEPTING ENTRIES

To celebrate the launch of my new blog I’ve decided to do a little giveaway. A giveaway to all my fans who love me, and encouraged me to start this blog!

Did you know that I read each and every one of your comments on my facebook page (and now on here)? They make me so happy. Like I could pee on the floor happy! Now that’s pretty happy!

So to thank all my loyal fans I’m doing a little giveaway! One lucky reader will win a scratch art drawing of a Dachshund by yours truly. I make these drawings with my very own paws, and each one is a unique one-of-a-kind piece.

So you can believe when I’m rich and famous these beauties will be worth a pretty penny!

And don’t worry if you don’t win, I’ll have a special little discount to offer everyone that didn’t win on Friday.

Here’s the details:

PRIZE: One 11″x14″ original scratch art drawing of a dachshund by Ammo the Dachshund (to be chosen by Ammo)
TO ENTER: Comment on this post with the words “SCRATCH ME”
BONUS QUESTION: What’s the absolute favorite piece of artwork you have hanging in your house? Is it Dachshund art, maybe a vintage poster, or if you’re like me it’s both! My house has a wall of vintage ads that contain Doxies…what better subject!
GIVEAWAY CLOSES: Friday, September 3, 10AM EST
NUMBER OF WINNERS: One
PRIZE SHIPS: The 48 Continental United States
FINE PRINT: Only one entry per e-mail address. The winner will be chosen at random using random.org and announced on Friday. Good luck!

Shop online for scratch art by me, Ammo the Dachshund!

Dog Snatcher

Posted on August 27, 2010 by Ammo

I almost got snatched out of my yard the other day. No joke.

I don’t know what it is that tried to snatch me, but it looks like this:
original source unknown

It swoops out of the sky and snatches up little weenies like me. I’m not stupid, when I saw that creature coming for me I cried like a baby and banged on the door until mom came running to let me inside.

Once I was safe inside my big glass dog house I let them have it. Pretty much I told them who’s boss, I don’t think they’ll be coming back anytime soon.

go on….get outta here!

intruders

finally I can relax

Magic Horse Poop

Posted on August 26, 2010 by Ammo

Horse poop.

For those of you that don’t eat, sleep, and breathe it on a daily basis like I do – you don’t know what you’re missing. I’ve eaten my fair share of it, and let me tell you, it is yummy.

According to my mom, it has other uses too. Apparently it can help you grow things, like things that you can eat, and in my mom’s case it grew cucumbers. BIG cucumbers! I tried one, and honestly, I don’t see what all the fuss is about. They taste like leaves. I’d much rather eat horse poop.

Because of this magic horse poop that grows things my mom had so many cucumbers that we couldn’t give them away fast enough. So we did what anyone with lots of cucumbers would do…….we made PICKLES!

Ok, well I kinda just watched, but believe me, if I had hands I WOULD have helped.

stuff the grows from magic horse poop

boooring

Are they ready yet?

If I don't get a taste soon I'm gonna scream!

they're almost ready!

Finally they're done!

What do you mean I can't have any for 3 weeks!!

Peace out Pickles! I'll see ya in 3 weeks.

How to make canned pickles.

Arch Nemesis

Posted on August 25, 2010 by Ammo

I’m a pretty tough dude. I hunt rodents, perform tricks with ponies, guard the house from intruders, and bravely stare danger in the face. But there is one thing that frightens me! ….

..Vacuums!

They make scary noises, the suck things up (perhaps little Dachshunds too), and they just give me the heebie-jeevies. Do you blame me? Me and the vacuum don’t have any horrible incidents in our past, so I’m not sure why I hate him so much. Perhaps it’s because my bestest pal Trooper is afraid of vacuums. I think for now I’ll just have to blame my fear on him!